Hi, I’m lonely. It’s nice to meet you.
I didn’t think it would come to this—this strange feeling of isolation and loneliness, and admitting to it being real. However, covid loneliness is real, and its a huge concern.
I write this from the position of accounting for a series of events that can lead to loneliness even without a global pandemic, and I know everyone's situations are different, but the end feeling is the same — we want some sort of human connection.
- Move countries.
Leaving all your friends and family behind to start a new life is hard. In my case, I moved to a city where I know a few friendly faces. They’re always great to chat too — but I was looking forward to building a network, a group of people to see regularly, experience new things — before the pandemic, I had a lunch buddy, someone to go to the soccer with and a friend who always knew some random event that was going on that we would enjoy. Now, we’re all available on messenger, but it’s not the same thing. I miss the normality of creature comforts and hugs. - Work remotely.
An odd concept that many of us are becoming acutely more familiar with. But, combined with point number 1 — work is my life. I crave human contact in many forms but find the type of contact can be stressful and overwhelming. I can’t imagine being at a large in-person event, yet the virtual ones feel disjointed and strange. I have been more inarticulate in the past few months than I can account for in my entire working life. I started some social events to try to break the ice and create a community, and people that I could chat with about non-work stuff, mainly hoping no one else would feel like I do. - 3 family members on 3 continents.
I joked with my father that when this whole thing started that at least we have facetime and I can watch him pull funny faces, and his beard go unshaven as he prepares for the apocalypse. Between him, my mother and me, we all live on separate continents (no joke) my mum is in Europe, father in the Middle East, and I’m in the US… try negotiating those timezones when arranging calls and getting work done too… one phone call to a crying or sad-looking parent and your day is fucked, all you want is to be in the same room as them and know that you’re all going to be safe and happy (and they want the same in return).
It’s a bold thing to admit that you’re lonely, you’re having a tough time, and you are trying to find things to cling to and care about that give the world some purpose in an environment that lacks any logic or sense. Trying to remain unburdened or unbothered by people who ‘needed their summer vacation to Turkey’ whilst you're stranded, far away from the people who mean the most to you takes up more energy than it should.
Meanwhile, I don’t know what it would look like to make friends anymore, how it would feel to be able to go for a coffee down the street with a person I barely know, trying to make a connection and find fun and mutual support. Yet in this isolated state, this loneliness that I feel, I know I’m not alone.
So, for others who find themselves in this position — let’s not make loneliness a taboo or a sad admission worthy of only pity — in this particular time, it’s a brave assertion based on our situations that enables us to be more open than we may have allowed ourselves to be previously. Let’s try it, let’s say that we’re lonely and we’re not okay. Let’s be nice to ourselves and not feel scared or ashamed to admit it.
So, hello — I’m Tia. It’s nice to meet you.
